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August 01
Can time be defined? A question iv pondered over many a time...If asked to define time what would be the response?
Intelligence can only go so far. People can only know so much. Does anyone really know the meaning of time i wonder?
I've always wondered whether there is someone out there who knows everything. Surely there couldnt be right? No one person could possibly know EVERYTHING sure they'd know more than others in certain areas. But everyone has their own knowledge to contribute at some stage.
Another question which i have pondered over is how the world was created. How the universe came to be.
There are so many theories out there..So many people think they know. Keyword being think.
Noone can truly say how or why or even when the world was created. There are guesses and sometimes proof to these guesses. Alot of the time though, there is no evidence.
Something else i am unsure about is religion. During primary school i attended a catholic school. I was brought up to believe that yes God does exist and that i should love him above all. I am not the most religious person. I do believe but only to a certain point. In saying this i have nothing against those who do believe. It is a personal choice one which no one should be judged upon.
What i am uncertain about is whether or not religion is real. Why are there so many people out there who believe in so many different things. There are millions of followers around the world.
It's hard to know whats real when there are so many versions of religion out there. Yes there is a base for religion i guess...but there are still so many versions.
I have read the bible before although i can't say i have recently. I became quite slack once attending high school.
It wasn't that it wasnt the cool thing to do...i just had never quite been one to go to church often or to go to other functions organised by the church.
There are many people at school who do strongly believe and im actually envious.
Id like to have that one thing in my life that i know i can always count on...but i cant force myself to believe in something im unsure about. Whereas some people are sure, they disregard all the other stories, all the other people. They have faith. They believe.
It’s a mystery.
“Such is life” July 23
To My Sister...
Always there to help me when ever I am in need.
No matter how stupid she thinks I am, how stupid the problem may be.
She’s the one I turn to when I need a friend.
The one I know will be always be there until the very end.
A sacred bond…a link, which no one can ever break.
We share our thoughts…our dreams we make.
We are sisters through and through.
To my sister… I love you.
July 17 Last day of the hols...so sad isn't it? I thought i might do an update of my life.
Im sick of writing depressing stuff cos you know wat. Im not depressed! I'm happier than i have ever been. I had one of the best holidays iv had in a long time. Probably the best so far. Shall i fill you in? ok lets see. from the beginning. The start of the holidays saw me in Newcastle, 3 days of solid netball for the 2006 state age championships. Considering we were in division 2 i think we did quite exceptional. Coming from small towns and not training we managed to come about 15th i think. Not brilliant but hey we were happy. April and i managed to get players player lol the defence team! oh yea! We spent an extra night in Newcastle and came home on the tuesday. It was a really good trip. Wednesday was boring and thursday Stew came out. He stayed thursday night and then we were off to Sydney on Friday. We spent a week together in Sydney. Iv never had so much fun in my life. I wont go into detail cos no one would like it lol. Not as much as i did anyways. I came back with 2 new shirts and a pair of jeans for Kiah. In returning home i discovered that whilst i was away my family had made over my room! It is now black and red. I have a window seat and i have red satin sheets!! I love it. Its a very sophistocated room now. anyways thats about all i have to say. I cant wait until next holidays. That's for sure. Anyhow i shall be off. Later days xxx  July 06
</3 _XxxX_ </3
I'm sick of fighting back [[tears]], sick of wanting to [[cry]].
Why is this happening? What have i done wrong?
Why does [[hate]] surround me?
Why cant they let me be?
The [[friends]] i thought were once there are [[nowhere]]to be seen
All the good times [[forgotten]] , no one to care for me. June 13
Change…A word with so much power.
Things change so quickly.
Things you’d had for so long suddenly disappear. Certain people you thought would always be there vanish…right before your eyes.
It takes the smallest of things to make a huge difference.
It is true that you only realise what you had when it’s not there anymore.
Everyone takes things/people for granted. We are all guilty of it and we are all guilty of wishing we had it back once it’s gone.
Wishing is naïve…fun, but stupid.
Wishing is pointless.
I wish for things a lot, for people to be here…for things to be different.
I hate change but wish for things to change. Funny that.
Some would argue that change is good.
I’d agree…some change is good.
Some isn’t.
Some changes we wish we never had to experience….again with the pointless wishing.
Time changes everything.
People… Places...Existence…
Once crossed we can never go back… we cannot change the past. Undo the damage done. We can only learn for the future.
I do not expect things to stay the same. It’d be stupid to think they will.
There are certain things I hope won’t change in my life right now then again perhaps hoping is like wishing- pointless.
In saying this if we don’t have hope what can we look forward to?
A quote “Whatever happens do not lose hold of the two main ropes of life- hope and faith.”
Maybe hope isn’t pointless…hope is what keeps us hanging on. When everything around us is changing if we hope…if we wish…if we have faith…then maybe things will turn out all right.
Hopes and wishes are not pointless… It’s what life’s all about.
May 25
She continues to hurt you, tearing you apart.
Always making mistakes…Toying with your heart.
When will it end? When will u finally see…?
All she does is hurt you…that’s how it will always be.
She makes you hate yourself…more than you already do.
Whereas all I see is good…I like you for you.
She brings you down, she cheats she lies.
Says she’s sorry…it’s all a disguise.
If she meant it then it wouldn’t keep on happening.
She wouldn’t hurt you over and over…it’s never-ending.
She says she loves you…then goes off with another guy.
You forgive her then she does it again and you wonder why.
I know it’s hard to get over the one you love, to finally move on.
But you can’t keep going like this… always in the wrong.
She blames you when something goes bad yet it’s almost always her fault.
She has to realise she’s immature…she needs to be an adult.
I hate her making you upset; I hate her hurting you all the time.
I’m sorry I can’t make things better…I’m sorry you’re not mine.
If I could make it all better for you I would do anything I could.
I want you to like yourself…I want you to feel good.
I wish I could change everything…make it all better again.
All I can do is offer myself…Forever a friend.
April 28 Enslaved
By Jennifer E. Beyer
At night I sit alone and watch the shadows dance around.
I hold my breath and listen yet silence is the only sound.
I reach for some comfort yet feel no embrace.
I am tired of the emptiness and loneliness of this place.
I can feel no more hurt because I have learned to live with my pain.
I often wonder how I survived and continue to stay sane.
I have hurt so deeply and cried too many tears.
I have been empty and broken for so many years.
I am tired of pretending that I am fine and all is okay.
I am tired of hiding behind this mask I wear every day.
I have drifted so far and can no longer be saved.
These feelings hold me captive and to them I am ENSLAVED
April 13
This poem i wrote is dedicated to a friend of mine...if she's reading she'll know who she is...
She was always there for me whenever I needed a guide.
Whenever I needed comfort… she was always by my side.
We used to talk for hours on the phone every night.
Everything was great…we never had a fight.
We used to laugh and joke around….never did it end.
That was the way it used to be…with me and my best friend.
Things have changed now and no longer do we speak.
Every minute I sit and wonder….becoming more and more weak.
I need her back in my life…I need her to know.
Everyday I think of her…I’ve never felt so low.
I think back to all the good times and slowly begin to cry.
I want to go back to those times but I can’t and I don’t know why.
Everyday that comes seems worse than the one before.
I don’t know how to handle it…I don’t know anything anymore.
So hopefully this gets across the message I’m trying to send.
And we can go back to normal again….Forever my best friend
March 17
I wish I was stronger. I wish I could find a way.
I wish I cared.
I wish I didn't.
I wish I was pretty.
I wish you didn't hate me.
I wish my emotions weren't so intense.
I wish I wasn't so numb.
I wish I was smarter.
I wish I knew.
I wish I was a good person.
I wish you never had to know me.
I wish I could be free.
I wish I wasn't so alone.
I wish I had some motivation.
I wish I could sleep.
I wish I had dreams.
I wish I wasn't this far from perfect.
I wish I wasn't so selfish & horrible.
I wish I didn't know how to cry.
I wish I could B R E A T H E.
I wish I was NEVER BORN.
February 28
We’ve known each other for a long time now and my feelings for you haven’t changed
You said just wait…Give it time…Be patient and things will go my way.
You told me you liked me as much as I liked you… Was that true?
You made a promise you couldn’t keep… I believed you too…
That’s in the past but what I want to know is where we go from here,
Do we just pick it back up again? Or start fresh and clear…
If you want me then I’m here…ready right now…if not… I guess that’s it…but at least I’d know your true feelings.
You’re what I want…You already know that… I’ve been patient haven’t I?
February 25
If I smiled at you would you smile back?
If I talked to you, would you respond?
If I was hurt, would you cry with me?
If I needed someone would you be there?
If I wanted to share my dreams, would you think I could make them a reality?
Would you laugh with me?
Would you listen to me?
Would you talk back?
Because I would smile at you, talk to you, cry with you.
I would share your dreams, laugh and listen.
I would be there.
But now I have no dreams to share, only a nightmare to live.
I thought that you knew me.
I thought that you listened.
I thought that you cared.
But you've chosen otherwise.
Maybe you never listened.
Because if you did you would know that I am not the person you are accusing me of being.
And it hurts. February 13
***Its hard to know that by doing something you are going to break someone's heart... You lie to them so that you don't cause them pain but in the end the lies hurt more... It's hard to tell your heart from your head...Its hard to know which one to trust...People always say follow your heart...What if you don't like where your heart is leading you? What if you don't know what your heart is actually saying? Feelings require thought which means using your head....Your heart and your head are linked...So why is it that we say follow your heart? Because it sounds better than follow your heart and your head? Maybe some people can actually separate the two...Maybe it's all just something to make us feel better...
And so i leave you with these last questions Are feelings real?
If there was no way to feel anything for another person would life be better?
How do you know if feelings are real?
What is love?
How do u separate your head from your heart?
Why do people lie?
Do lies mean fear? Cowardice?
AND......
How long do you wait for a person to be yours....When do you give up?***
February 07 A STORY I WAS SENT BY A FRIEND….. One day, when I was a freshman in High School, I saw a kid from my class who was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all of his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend’s tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running towards him.
They ran at him knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.”
He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private schools before now. I would never have hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play footy on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Damn boy, you are gonna really build some muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became the best of friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of out class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during High School. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat and began.
“Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach, but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mum wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mum and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realise its depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person’s life for the better or for worse. God put us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.
“FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY.” February 05 Ok heres a poem...i didnt write it tho...just so everyone knows! lol this poem i found on some random chicks space and i thought it was awesome....enjoy!
иєνєя ѕαу ι ℓσνє уσυ
ιf уσυ яєαℓℓу ∂σи'т ¢αяє
иєνєя тαℓк αвσυт fєєℓιиgѕ
ιf тнєу αяєи'т яєαℓℓу тнєяє
иєνєя нσℓ∂ му нαи∂
ιf уσυ'яє gσιиg тσ вяєαк му нєαят
иєνєя ѕαу уσυ αяє gσιиg тσ
ιf уσυ ∂σи'т ρℓαи тσ ѕтαят
иєνєя ℓσσк ιитσ му єуєѕ
ιf αℓℓ уσυ ∂σ ιѕ ℓιє
иєνєя ѕαу нєℓℓσ
ιf уσυ яєαℓℓу мєαи gσσ∂вує
ιf уσυ яєαℓℓу мєαи fσяєνєя
тнєи ѕαу уσυ ωιℓℓ тяу
иєνєя ѕαу fσяєνєя
¢αυѕє fσяєνєя мαкєѕ мє ¢яу
January 14 A song about suicide....which is how i feel how do people feel so empty, so lonely that they feel anything is better than living....they feel dying is the only answer?
How Do You Get That Lonely - Blaine Larsen
It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said, he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on his bedroom floor
There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad?
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go?
How do you get that lonely and nobody knows?
Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol
Did his Mum and Daddy forget to say I love you son
Did no one see the writing on the wall
Now, I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad?
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go?
How do you get that lonely and nobody knows?
It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
January 13
~GUYS JUST GO FOR IT~
* Tell her you think she’s cool, tell her why!
* Smell her hair
* Talk to her in the movies.
* Tickle her, she'll scream and laugh and secretly love it.
* Hold her hand.
* Pick flowers from other people’s gardens and give them to her.
* Tell her she looks beautiful not “hot”
* Let her pay for stuff if she wants.
* Introduce her to your friends as the coolest chick you know.
* Tell her dirty jokes.
* Tell her stupid jokes.
* Walk around with her.
* Throw pebbles at her window at night.
* When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
* Take her to a band she hasn’t heard of, hold her hand in the mosh pit.
* Let her fall asleep in your arms.
* Call her. Call her back.
* Make her mad, then kiss her.
* Give her piggy back rides.
* Don’t tell her that her fav band sucks.
* Give her space.
* Push her on swings.
* Stay up with her all night if shes sick.
* Make up cool pet names for her.
* When shes sad hang out with her or stay on the phone even if shes not saying anything.
* Buy her icecream.
* Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
* Look into her eyes.
* Kiss her in the rain.
WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH HER, TELL HER January 04 Something to ponder....
No moving parts, no batteries, no montly payments and no fees.
Inflation proof, non taxable in fact, its quite reliable.
It can't be stolen, wont pollute, one size fits all, do not dilute.
It uses little energy, but yields results enormously.
Relieves your tension and your stress, invigorates your happiness.
Combats depression, makes you beam and elevates your self esteem!
Your circulation it corrects without unpleasant side-effects.
It is, i think, the perfect drug
May i prescribe my friend, THE HUG!
............................Oooo
Some people...........(......)
come into our lives.....)..../
and quickly go..........(._./
...........oooO
..........(......).....Some people
...........\....(.......become friends
............\._.).....and stay awhile ...
...........................Oooo
leaving beautiful......(......)
footprints on our......)...../
hearts...................(._./
Here’s how it works … Take your right hand and place it on your left shoulder, then take your left hand and place it on your right shoulder. Finally, squeeze as tight as you can and that’s a big hug from me to you
December 24
Its weird...the poem i liked the most out of all the ones i have written not one person commented on...obviously my tastes are different lol...Any ways this is going to be a relatively short blog...Can u believe Santa comes tonight? lol and of course i believe in Santa still  so what is everyone hoping to get for christmas? It sucks for me tho...im going away...i will have no phone and no internet for 2 whole days!!! omg!! bcos the place we're going to i get no service....its tragic...anywho i cannot wait to go away on holidays! its going to be so awesome! Sorry...im kinda crapping on lol i remember my first blog....how lame....ah well id better be going....hope u all have a safe and happy christmas and that santa is good to each and every one of u catcha later xoxo December 18
She thought she was alone in life, that no one seemed to care.
She wondered why she was here at all…it all seemed so unfair.
She saw the knife lying innocently on her bed,
A thought came to mind…There were voices in her head
One quick cut and it could all be over…no more pain to endure.
She reached towards the knife…Not nervous, feeling sure.
She looked at her wrists then in the mirror one last time.
Tears streaming down her face…A black mascara line.
“Look at you, you’re pathetic,” said the voices in her head.
With that she slashed her wrists…her blood bright, bright red
It poured out of her, a stream of pain and lies.
As she lay back down on her bed…ready to die.
November 23
***Life is all about taking risks although most of us r too scared to take the leap..
I guess we're unsure of wat will happen... too afraid of rejection...failure...
So many of us stay walled up...guarded..
Why cant we just let our true feelings show instead of holding back?
Its like the thought of failing...or not getting wat we want is far more over powering that the fact that we may actually succeed.
If we dont try how will we know?
How can u live knowing that u never really gave it a shot...never said wat u wanted.
Dont hold back in life take the risk bcos if u dont u will regret it forever u will always wonder wat if?...or if i had of said something where would i be now?
Take the leap... Dont be afraid***
November 18
I wonder what it’s like to not feel alone,
To always know someone’s there… Not facing life on your own.
I’d give anything to finally feel like I belong,
To not have anything to worry about, nothing to go wrong.
I hear the sound of laughter and break down inside,
I wish I was part of that joy, I wish I didn’t hide.
Hidden in the shadows, afraid to shine.
Pretending I’m ok, that everything is fine.
People see what they want to see not what is really there,
Too afraid to comfort, too afraid to care.
I used to know who I was; I used to know my place.
That girl has changed forever… gone without a trace. November 12
Just thought id throw in a few of these little things to show off my space lol na jk i thought they were awesome..........cya xoxo
November 06 hello i decided it was time to update my blog....considering my last one was b4 school had started for the term...now let me see...so far not much has been happening everything at school is as normal...well maybe not EVERY thing but its getting there.. on thursday and friday of last week, seeing as it is sunday..we went to wollongong for the all schools touch footy competition....that was soo much fun....we werent exactly very good but we didnt suck that much! there was just a huge bug on my screen! wuldnt u hate to be a bug...dying by being squished! meh....stupid bugs....iv decided on a new yrs resolution for next yr! im going to try and be more positive...as in about myself.....but i can only try....i most likely will fail...hmm last night courtney came out for the night and we slept in the tent....lol it was infested with mozzys!! grrr....annoying creatures they are.....mums cooking lasagne for tea....such a difficult word isnt it....simple yet difficult....lol im trying to sound smart  hmm well that blog seems to do the job....feel free to leave a comment...or two...cant get enough comments! ok well cya xoxo
some things to know:
1. i am petrified of mice
2. im beginning to think i have insomnia
3. i have alot of goals for life...more like dreams
4. id love to visit disneyland one day
5. id love to own my own plane with an airstrip out the back
6. id love to go horseriding along the beach
7. i plan to go to university but im not sure what i want to do
8. i hate dishonesty
9. im very disorganised
10. i know its lame but i hope to go to the moon one day...
11. i hate ppl who think they're better than others
12. it annoys me when ppl spell simple words wrong....altho abbreviations dont worry me at all
13. i hate to disappoint ppl
14. my friends are important to me
15. i say lol and use that face too often
16. im generally a happy person
17. beiiging has the biggest mall in the world
18. i like to play netball if u have read my profile u wuld know that
19. i like to write poems to express what im feeling even if they do suck
20. i hope to one day find true love....dont we all???
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i cant wait...dont ya reckon those faces just look retarded on this lol...come to think of it....they always seem to look retarded...ill tell ya wat is retarded....appreviating i love you....like as in i luv u or even worse i 
u....oh my lord that annoys me...i learnt how to add a photo to my blog entry the other day....yes all in a days work...all i had to do was look at the side lol....great help there...im sitting here bored beyond imaginable...im eating chewy...well chewing chewy rather....no ones talking to me...im talking to myself cos matts being difficult...and scotts eating...stews not online...sure theres others online...but i wait for them to talk to me....depends on who i feel like talking to...and yes im rambling on....hopefully anyone reading this has stopped by now...which im almost certain most have....oh oh oh the most embarrassing thing happened to me today lol...my father...u see...he forgot to tell me that guitar lessons werent on today and hes in mudgee....i turned up at the guys house only to discover that he was in sydney...luckily his wife was home cos iv got like 0 credit almost...i rang up dad and then realised he was in mudgee....so he called mum and mum came back and picked me up....then again...i did gain alot out of it...i told her about my desire to sing...even tho i dont have the confidence...she said u dont need lessons to be good... but then again i spose it would make me better....cos im bad lol but i love it...also photography...i wanna get into that...theyre all dreams tho....aw i just received an email which is one of my blog entries!! the power of ur actions one...thats pretty cool...cos iv never seen that anywhere else except my blog and now that email...well this has proved interesting....a blog about nothing just about....but hey....u write nothing when ur bored...
